Super Mario Galaxy: The True Story Episode I
by Mr. True Man
Summary: Mario heads out to space in the epic story of cosmic proportions, based on the beloved game Super Mario Galaxy. Join Mario and friends as they race to save Princess Peach, and the galaxy itself, from the tyrannical clutches of Bowser Koopa, and learn the truth behind one of the greatest games of all time.
1. Chapter 1

About six years ago, in a galaxy close, close by…

**SUPER MARIO GALAXY: THE TRUE STORY PART I**

It is a period of civil war. Gannon and his minions have seized the island of Koridia! But that's not what our story is about. No, our story is about a much more grave and important issue. The heroic hero Mario, accompanied by his brother Luigi, had defeated the dark lord king Bowser on multiple occasions, thereby thwarting his plans to conquer all life in the Mushroom Kingdom. Frustrated with his losses, the Koopa king has created a new diabolical plan; to create his own GALAXY REACTOR, a new galaxy in the center of the universe, which possesses enough power to destroy an entire hotel.

Constantly stalked by Bowser, the oblivious Princess Peach prepares for her party, which celebrates the cosmic phenomenon, the Comet Festival, which occurs only once every hundred years. Invited to the party is the galaxy's greatest hero, Super Mario. The fate of the galaxy depends solely on him…

_*Camera pans down towards the earth*_

It was about two o' clock in the morning as Mario slept in his one-room shack, which he was forced to live in thanks to Luigi, who had destroyed his house some time ago. He was having nightmares about his most recent misfortune which resulted in his vacation being completely ruined. Suddenly he was snapped awake by the abrupt sound of his door flying open and Luigi running inside.

"Mario! Mario Mario!" Luigi shrieked, immediately shaking any remaining calmness out of Mario, "I just saw a bunch of yellow letters flying through the sky. And they said words! _Words_, Mario! But they were too far away, and I couldn't see what the words were saying!"

"Luigi, it's two in the morning; I'm trying to sleep. I told you to stop eating the purple mushrooms. They mess with your already feeble mind." Mario responded in a somber, scratchy tone.

"Can I sleep with you?" Luigi asked, already forgetting about the subject at hand.

"No!" Mario snapped, "You have a huge mansion all to yourself! Go sleep there!"

"But Mario, there might be g-g-g-ghosts in there!"

"_Get out!_" Mario shouted, which startled Luigi, who proceeded to jump out the window, causing it to shatter. Cold wind blew into the room as Mario tried to bundle up. "God dammit…" He muttered.

Mario managed to fall into a near-sleeplike state. He pondered trivial things like where exactly the Mushroom Kingdom is in relation to Earth, or why there are never any black people around. He was just about to doze off all the way when his peace was interrupted yet again.

"Mario! Mario! Mario!" Mario's eyes shot open as the voice grew closer and closer. Luigi collided with the door, which flew off its hinges and landed right on top of Mario. Luigi relentlessly clung to the door as he frantically cried "Mario! I just saw a giant flaming ball in the sky! And it's headed right for the castle!"

"_Get off_!" Mario screamed from underneath the door. Mario kicked the door, prompting it, along with Luigi, to go flying back and become lodged diagonally in the doorway.

"Crap!" Mario muttered as he realized that the way out was blocked. He had no choice but to jump out the window, which he did. He landed on the grass and brushed broken glass off of his body. Now both of his windows were left shattered.

"Hahaha! You could have went out of the one I already broke, dumbass!" quipped Luigi. Mario stormed off toward Luigi's mansion to spend the night.

"Hey Mario, aren't you forgetting something?" Luigi insinuated. Mario hurled a fireball back into the shed, leaving a small flame inside. "Oh, I get it, Mario. You act like you're leaving me so I say 'Oh, I'm so sorry Mario, please come back and save me' and make me promise not to bother you again, right Mario?"

The flame began spreading.

"Uh… Mario? ... _Mario!" _Luigi called to no avail, "_Maaaariooooo!"_

Mario walked slowly away from the soon to be burnt shack and made his way towards his brother's enormous house, which had been acquired by happenstance.

"Letters in the sky? A giant flaming ball? Where does that idiot get – Oh No!" Mario looked up to see that there was indeed a massive comet in the sky that night, which reminded him of something: "Peach is having that comet party tonight!"

And so Mario took off, running like an airplane (literally) towards Princess Peach's castle. Sleep would have to wait. Mario arrived just as the party got into motion. The night was lovely and the plaza around the castle was decorated with beautiful lanterns and banners. He was lucky, although a bit confused that the Princess decided to start the festivity at two in the morning.

"Yo! Mario!" called a familiar jiving voice. Mario turned to see the closest thing to a black person the Mushroom Kingdom had to offer; the ghetto-ass fungus man known as Big Pop Daddy King Toad.

"Oh, Hey Big Pop Daddy King Toad, how have you been?"

"Man, I'm bangin' as fuck, yo. And don't tell no one, but I think you gonna be bangin' tonight too, if you know what I mean." Big Pop Daddy King toad gave Mario a nudge and a wink.

"Um…"

"I'm talkin' 'bout the Princess, man. She's been talkin' 'bout you all day. She say she got something special for you at the castle."

"Oh!" Mario ejaculated (and by that I mean exclaimed, not jizzed. That comes later, maybe), "But how do you know she's talking about _that_?"

"She called the Lakitu brothers and they bringin' their cameras over. I'm tellin' you, man, she wants to make a porno!"

"But I don't know Big Pop Daddy King Toad; I'm kind of nervous about the whole filming thing. What happens if it leaks onto the internet? What if my parents see? My mother's a porn addict you know, she's bound to run into it!"

"Bro, chill out. Have a few drinks, listen to the music, and calm your nerves. Head to the castle when you're ready. Take it from me; I've done over a hundred adult films. I got a closet full of dick-shaped trophies to prove it."

"Okay, Big Pop Daddy King Toad, I guess I'll take your advice."

So Mario took Big Pop Daddy King Toad's advice. He bounced around, mingled, had a few drinks, laughed at the Toads getting barraged by comet crystals, and danced to the orchestrated music. Soon, Mario was ready to go to the castle. But then something bad happened.

Mario's shoe was untied. Of course, Mario, knowing his luck, tripped and planted his face into the ground like a sapling before he could successfully take a step. Mario managed to contain his frustration and bent over to tie his laces. Then he looked up.

"No God! No God, please no! NO! NOOOOO!" Mario roared into the high heavens. For right above the castle hovered a metallic flying disc. Approaching on the horizon were some familiar looking wooden ships. Mario knew immediately that Bowser was behind this.

"I swear to God, Bowser, when I catch you, I am going to shove a Bob-omb _up your ass!_" Mario proclaimed as he ran towards the castle. He saw the Princess standing out on the balcony looking up at the UFO.

"Peach, get out of there," Mario warned, "stop staring at that thing!"

"But it's so... shiny…" Peach responded, fascinated by the thing's glossy exterior.

Mario reached the castle doors right on time for the flying saucer to cast down its beam and tear the castle off its foundation. The saucer brought the castle, along with Mario, the Princess, and a number of Toads, up towards outer space. Mario saw the Princess, still mesmerized by the glorious shine of the mysterious extraterrestrial vehicle.

"Peach!" He cried.

"Oh! Mario, I have something for you!" said the Princess as her attention finally turned to Mario.

"That's going to have to wait!" Mario said.

One of the flying ships arrived at the location and set itself level with the castle. Its bow was now right in front of Princess Peach's face and right above Mario.

"_Roll down my window!" _Commanded a monstrous voice. A hatch opened and a platform rose up. On top of the platform was none other than Bowser himself!

"Hello, Princess. I hereby invite you to the creation of my very own galaxy at the center of the universe! And _you_, my dear, will have the great honor of being the head stripper at the Bowser Galaxy Strip Club!" said Bowser in his ever-cunning tone.

"Don't you go near her, Bowser," Mario yelled, "and I might think about sparing your life!"

"_Yo! You! Get the fuck out of my way!"_ Bowser yelled with his finger pointed at Mario.

One of Bowser's magikoopas flew down and blasted Mario right off the castle grounds, leaving him to slowly drift out into the vast emptiness of space.

"Mario!" shouted the Princess, "Take this!"

The Princess took what looked like a chubby silver star out from under her dress and threw it to Mario. The little star flew towards him and went straight under his hat.

"What is this?" Mario called back.

"It's what I wanted to give you! It's a gift!" Peach answered.

"Wait, so you didn't want to make a porno?" Mario asked. But by that time, Mario's momentum picked up and the Princess could not hear him.


	2. Chapter 2

Mario's eyes shot open. He had been unconscious for quite some time. As he composed himself and looked around, he realized that he was in a completely new place; there was sand, gravel, and some patches of grass below his feet, and a small house behind him. Other than that, there was just the vastness of space. Mario could see the curvature of the small planetoid he was on.

"What the..." Mario asked himself. Unexpectedly, he heard a voice call out as if in answer to his pseudo-question.

"Help! Help!" The chubby silver star that Peach gave him screamed as it unburrowed itself from Mario's hat. Mario saw the creature transform into a rabbit-like figure right before his very eyes! "Rapist! Rapist!" It started hopping away.

"Get back here, you little shit!" Mario demanded as he gave chase. The rabbit ran to the other side of the world, which was only a few yards, and hopped up a stone structure. Mario climbed the stairs only on time to see the rabbit return to its original form and float to a new figure, which was surrounded by more of the star-like creatures.

"Mama! Mama! Save me!" said the fat little star.

"So..." said the new figure in a smooth, quiet tone, "You finally came to. That's good; I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it."

"P-Princess?" Mario asked confused. The figure turned around to reveal not the Princess that Mario was looking for, but rather a cosmic goddess clad in a blue night gown! Mario's jaw almost detached from his face as it dropped and his eyes nearly melted out of their sockets. Never before had he expected that something so close to perfection existed in the female form, yet this elegant beauty had him asking himself; was this real, or was it but a dream?

"My name is Rosalina. I am the wanderer of the cosmos, the guardian of the stars." She raised a hand, gesturing to the little stars. "These are the Lumas. Like me, they are alone; abandoned fragments of space junk desperate to find their place in the universe. I have adopted them as my children until they are ready to pursue their true purpose, and become the very stars responsible for all life in the galaxy."

Mario's state of surprise was maintained as he realized that not only was she quite likely the most beautiful sight he had yet seen, but she also had one of the most compelling backstories out of any of the other characters in the series.

"This 'Princess' you speak of... is she your special one?" she asked

"Uh... um... I... I... uh..." Mario responded.

"Ah, she must be content to know that there is someone who would travel across the universe through dangers and peril just to bring her back home safe and sound. If only someone like you existed for me... but alas, I am destined to live out my existence alone, with only my Lumas to keep me company..."

"_But_... but... I..."

"Of course I am willing to help someone who shows so much faithfulness and devotion. Meet me at my comet observatory. We can talk about our plans further there."

With that, Rosalina began fading away into thin air, and soon she had completely disappeared from that location.

"Wait! Wait!" Mario tried to stop her, "But how do I get there?"

"Use the launch star..." echoed Rosalina's disembodied voice.

A little orange stencil popped into existence in the center of the stone balcony that Rosalina was on moments ago. Mario gulped as he realized that the stencil was actually a star with a smaller star inside it; he was going to have to fly with it. Unexpectedly, the launch star sucked him up as he approached it. The next thing he knew, Mario was flying through the vacuum of space. Mario felt his saliva boiling and his internal organs pressing out as if they were about explode as he screamed a silent scream.

"That bitch is crazy!" he yelled, although the sound travelled nowhere. Mario approached a castle that looked like the one from the Disney intro, except that it was floating in the dead of space. It was all dark and covered in shadow except for a small portion in the center, which was where he landed. Mario's face pummeled into the plexiglass floor. He slid and stopped right at Rosalina's feet.

"Oh my…." Said Rosalina, "It seems I forgot; your human body is not accustomed to the extraterrestrial environment. I will bestow upon you this…" Rosalina raised her hand and the tiny silver Luma began to float towards Mario's hat again.

"No, mama!" it cried, "Noooooo!" Its screams were muffled under Mario's cap.

"This is the youngest of all the Lumas. With him by your side, you will be able to live and breathe in outer space. You'll even be able to do a unique spin to propel you through the cosmos."

"Um…" Mario was confused. "…thanks, but why do I need this? Can't you just take me to Bowser so I can kill him, and get Peach back?"

"If only it were that easy…" Rosalina trailed off, "I'm sorry, it seems your name is not yet known to me."

"My name? It's uh… it's… _Mario_! It's Mario; my name's Mario!"

"Mario…" she let out a deep moan, which surprised and somewhat aroused Mario, "When I am all alone at night, looking out into the vast empty void, I will think of you and your special one, Mario… only instead of her, I will think of me, safe and secure in your strong arms, protecting me from all the dangers in the universe."

Mario, at that point desperately wanted to say that he only saved Peach for the greater good; that he wanted to be with Rosalina more. But he knew that wasn't true; Mario was infatuated, but he knew that it wouldn't be fair to give up on Peach, the woman he had been chasing for so long now, just because he had potential with another beautiful woman. So he kept silent.

"But alas, if only it were that easy, Mario. Sadly, before that monster left, he scattered all of our power stars across the cosmos. Without the power of the stars, our observatory cannot travel to the center of the universe where your loved one is being held."

"_NO!_" Mario yelled, "I am _NOT_ going to travel across another hellish landscape to collect these damn stars, just to get a chance to possibly complete my mission! There has _GOT_ to be another way, lady, PLEASE!" Mario noticed a tear rolling down Rosalina's cheek after his outburst.

"Ever since the stars were taken," she sobbed, "the entire observatory has been shrouded in darkness. I…" she took a moment to compose herself, but it was futile as the tears continue to flow. "…I can't even get into my bedroom to sleep… if you won't help me, Mario, I just…" there was no hiding it now; the tears were flowing freely, "I just don't know what I'll do!"

"Oh, mama mia," Mario said with remorse as he lent his shoulder for her to cry on, "I didn't know before. Of course I'll help you get your stars back. Just please, don't cry anymore!"

"…Really…?" she said, her tears beginning to subside, "You'd really do that for me?"

"Of course I will!" Mario said valiantly, "as long as you help me find the Princess."

"I promise!" she said squeezing him in a tight embrace. Mario was glad he didn't eat anything to make him gassy earlier. "Mario, you are a true hero. Not just to your special one, but also to me!"

"Just tell me where I can find some stars and I'll get started right away!"

"The terrace is the only pod open right now. Inside you can find a launch star to take you to Good Egg Galaxy."

"Okie dokie!" Mario said as he ran towards the pod. Once he was out of Rosalina's sight he sighed and slowed down. "She just _HAD_ to cry, didn't she?" He hopped into the launch star and he was sent flying to his first galaxy.

The effects of the vacuum were not as profound as they were before. Mario was able to breathe and he didn't feel like he was going to explode this time. That Luma really did the trick! He landed and looked around.

"Wow…" said Mario, "Some 'Galaxy' this is. It's just a bunch of tiny planets!" Mario observed a bunch of dead grass, a walkway that went up a hill at ninety degrees, and most disturbingly of all, a burnt shack resting at the top of the incline; his shack. "No. Fucking. Way."

Mario rushed to the top of the hill, which he was able to do thanks to the topsy-turvy gravity of the planet. Before he could rush inside a hand grabbed his own. To his shock he looked over to see Big Pop Daddy King Toad!

"Big Pop Daddy King Toad? What are you doing here?"

"Nevermind that, fool! Did you try to burn down your brother?"

"Well, I was, um-"

"Man, didn't you hear what I axed you? I say, did you try to burn down your brother?!"

"Possibly."

"Well you shoulda made sure that mutha fucka' was dead, cause there sure as hell ain't no body in there!"

"You mean…"

"Damn right I mean! That fuckup is runnin' 'round somewhere in the dead of space!"

"Shit!" Mario yelled, "Listen, Big Pop Daddy King Toad, I need you to do me a huge favor."

"Lemme guess. You want me to round up your retard brother while you go try and rescue Peach, right?"

"Yeah."

"I guess I can go round up the old man's sex slaves and form a brigade, but you're gonna have to repay me. When you rescue the Princess and make your porno, I want you to send me a copy. I'll even sweeten the deal; I'll help you find some stars after we find Luigi."

"You really wanna see her tits that bad, huh?" asked Mario.

"Hell yeah, man! I've been her servant ever since she became Princess, and not once did I see those puppies. All the times I tried to walk in on her by 'accident' were all worthless. I'll even settle for one nude shot, or some really good Rule 34!"

"I'll see what I can do, Toad. You just focus on finding Luigi."

Big Pop Daddy Kind Toad gave Mario a salute and Mario advanced to the next planetoid. Mario noticed a massive polka dotted egg embedded into the ground.

"Breakfast…" Mario said. He found a coconut lying on the ground and threw it full force at the egg, which promptly exploded into enough yolk to flood the planet. Mario noticed another launch star, leading to the fearsome looking death star.

"Breakfast will have to wait." said Mario as he launched himself towards the ominous spacecraft. The inside was full of industrial technology with intricate moving parts. It all looked very confusing. Mario noticed a massive off switch right next to him.

"Too easy. Bowser obviously designed this himself." Mario flipped the switch, but instead of turning off the machine, Mario got struck by a bolt of lightning. Mario screamed in pain and fell to the ground.

"Graw ha ha ha ha!" came Bowser's laugh through a speaker system. Mario looked at a screen where Bowser's face appeared.

"You son of a bitch! Where'd you get a genius to design your death star!" Mario demanded.

"I learned from the very best, Mario. I've been watching Luigi for the past months, learning how to really piss you off. Eventually it will be too much and it will destroy you!" Bowser laughed.

"You evil bastard! You will pay!"

"Good luck! This death star is running on power from that star in the center of the room!"

Mario looked over to see a giant power star spinning right in plain sight! "So all I have to do is collect it?" he asked.

"Yeah, but you're way too stupid to figure that out."

Mario immediately ran to collect the star. He spun around and let out a "Yahoo!" before flying back to the observatory. "Shit." Said Bowser before the power went out and the death star exploded.


	3. Chapter 3

Mario flew with the star all the way back to Rosalina's comet observatory. While Mario landed on the plexiglass floor tile again, the star traveled to the very center of the observatory, where it entered a large orb that grew upon contact. Mario felt Rosalina's presence behind him.

"Amazing…" she said, "you have done so well, Mario. The grand star you retrieved has relit the fountain and kitchen pods."

"Whatever I can do to help." Mario said.

"I have some news for you, Mario. A group of men landed on my observatory. I am frequently visited by strange men, and I usually throw them in the furnace. But one of them reminded me of you." Mario's heart sank. "He was wearing the same clothes, only green, and he was with a group of mushroom-headed servants. I am having a ship built for them, and they are all watching by engineering pad."

"You should have just thrown them in the furnace…"

Mario took a visit to the outdoor garage, where he laid eyes once again at the most horrific sight in the galaxy; he wished Luigi would have burnt in the fire, or at very least been left in the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Mario!" Luigi exclaimed as he ran and gave his brother a big bear hug, "Mario, I'm so glad to see you! You left a fire on in your house and it burned. I did my best to put it out Mario, but now it's in space!" Mario couldn't help but notice something small and hard pressed up against his waist as Luigi hugged him.

"Oh, come on!" Mario screamed.

"Mario, check out this neat thing I found!" Luigi reached into his pants and took out the small hard thing; it was another Luma, like Mario's only a gold color and a somewhat idiotic expression on its face. "Isn't this great, Mario? Now we can travel the galaxy together!"

"No Luigi, you have to stay with Big Pop Daddy King Toad and his sex slaves."

"Escuse me?" Big Pop Daddy King Toad hopped out of a partially completed mushroom-shaped space craft, followed by each and every one of the Pimp Daddy's sex slaves. "First of all, these ain't my sex slaves, they my old man's sex slaves. Second of all, I say-ed I'd get your brother and help you find stars; I didn't say nothin' about keeping Luigi with me."

"Wait, Big Pop Daddy King Toad! If you take him I swear I'll let you have sex with Peach! Trust me, she's a blond bimbo; I'll just give you my hat and overalls and she won't even know the difference!"

"Well you're probably right, but this time it just ain't worth it. Nothin's worth taking him. Now let me finish my star ship, and we'll get you some of them stars. But Luigi is _your_ problem!"

Mario sighed as Luigi put a hand on his shoulder. This just put Mario into a deeper state of despair. He decided to find his next galaxy to visit while Luigi blabbed to him.

"And then I saw the yellow letters in the sky," Luigi went on, "And then YOU saw the comet and you thought the princess wanted to make a porno!" He laughed.

"Luigi!" Mario yelled.

"Yeah, Mario?"

"Shut the fuck up! This is the next galaxy we need to go to... Honey Hive…" Mario hopped through the launch star, followed uncomfortably closely by Luigi. The star blasted them to a planet filled with green grass, rocks rolling off the landscape, and giant oversized bees! Mario grinned. Luigi was allergic to bees. And Luigi didn't even know it.

"Okay Luigi, there's something I need you to do for me."

"Okay, Mario, whatever you want!"

"We're gonna need some mushrooms. But these bees have all the mushrooms in the galaxy. So I need you to _very carefully_ get some mushrooms from the bees. And be careful _not _to make them mad."

"Okay, I think I can do that!" Luigi ran up to the nearest bee. "Excuse me, sir; do you happen to have a pair of mushrooms I may borrow?"

"Why certainly, my good sir!" the bee replied, "Why, I'd be willing to give anything away to a lad as polite and dashing as yourself! _Anything!_"

"Meeeow!" said Luigi as the bee handed him two mushrooms, "Thanks!"

"What the fuck?" Mario said to himself. Luigi never listens to Mario; he should have angered the bee into stinging him. Luigi threw one of the mushrooms to Mario, who wasn't paying attention. The odd mushroom was yellow and fuzzy like a bee. Also like a bee, it had a small stinger on the bottom. It was this stinger that happened to hit Mario right in the gluteus maximus. "YEEEOWWW!" Mario yelled and jumped up in the air. When he landed, he found himself balanced on something sticking out of the ground. He looked down to see that it was a stinger.

"No…" Mario said as he uprooted himself. He noticed that he was covered in black and yellow fuz. "No, no no! _I'm a bee!_"

"And I'm a spriiiing!" Luigi yelled, having eaten his mushroom. Mario saw the now spring-clad Luigi bounce right into him like Tigger bounced on Pooh.

"Luigi, I'm gonna sting the shit out of you!" Mario yelled as they flew through the air.

"But isn't it great we have this time together?" Luigi responded nonchalantly. The brothers landed right in front of a pool of water. When they looked up Mario wanted to hurl, while Luigi's "spring" sprung upwards. Hovering above them was a giant half bee, half woman with pinkish makeup and a big round body. The Queen Bee.

"_Well!_" she said in a loud, regal sounding voice, "I haven't seen a young burling patch of pollen like yourself in quite some time!" she said, looking at the two while seductively licking her lips.

"Why thank you, ma'am!" said Luigi, "I combed my hair on my own this morning." Luigi didn't realize that his hair didn't matter since his hat covered it.

"I'm not talking to you, spring boy! I'm looking at that fine fella in the black and yella'!"

"NO!" Mario said, "Not me!"

"Yesss! You!" said the Queen, who was growing more excited by the moment at the sight of Mario. "We've all started out like you; human. These mushrooms have transformed us though; soon you will become like us; full bee-people and it will be irreversible."

"No! Please, there must be something! I can't be a bee; the Princess will never be able to handle this giant stinger!"

"Luckily, you can still be cured. All you need is a power star, and the fuzz will be zapped off. I have a power star, but I'll need something from you if you want it from me…"

"Please tell me it doesn't involve my stinger touching your stinger…" Mario said, taking note of the massive stinger between the Queen Bee's legs.

"No, no… crawl on me!" shouted the Queen, "Come up here and crawl on me! I need to feel your fuzz all over my fuzz."

Mario sighed. He felt like a prostitute, but he saw no other way out of the situation; he needed that star, and more importantly he needed a cure of his bee disease. So he used his bee wings to fly up and satisfy the Queen Bee's crawling fetish.

"Oh, yes… get my back… yeah that's the spot," the queen said, "yeah, right there… now under the arms…" Mario grew deeply disturbed, but continued for several minutes. Suddenly, a power star flew out from somewhere on the queen bee as she finally allowed Mario to stop. "That was incredible! Do come back and visit sometime…"

Mario quickly detached himself from the queen bee. Luigi took notice of the star.

"Mario! I found a star!" Luigi yelled.

"Luigi, do NOT get that star!"

"Okay, I got it!" Luigi said. He used his spring power to grab the star. Mario screamed and as he floated down, he was met by the force of Luigi traveling at the speed of light with the star. The force managed to knock all of Mario's bee fuzz off, as well as nearly dethatching his jaw bone. It similarly got rid of Luigi's springiness. Mario managed to grab onto Luigi's foot before losing consciousness. He seemed to be getting knocked out a lot lately.


	4. Chapter 4

Mario woke up. He felt warm and comfortable for once. He found himself in a dimly lit room, covered in a rich blue blanket in a bed with a canopy. He was in Rosalina's bedroom. A comforting hand ran under his hat through his hair. He looked up to see Rosalina, caringly looking back at him i.

"Oh, Mario!" She said calmly and soothingly, letting her hand rest on his head, "You had me so worried! I though you weren't going to wake up this time…" She stayed silent for a moment, "But you did! You did so good, Mario. You did so much for me… and for your special one."

"How many more stars do I need?" Mario took his hand up to sway her off. He didn't want to. She simply caught his hand and put it around her shoulder. She lifted him to a seated position and embraced him tightly.

"I must say, Mario, if I were your special one, I would be the happiest person in the galaxy! Oh, if only I could make you think for just one night that I was her, so that for one night I could know how it feels to be loved." Mario's felt his hand go from her shoulder to her back and begin to run down. He stopped. This wasn't right. He set his hand down beside him.

"But it's okay." She said, "I understand why you wouldn't betray your loved one. It shows true devotion."

Mario felt a sudden rustle in the covers next to him. For some reason he was surprised to see Luigi (who else?) pop out of bed next to him!

"Count me in!" Luigi shouted. He lunged across Mario, reaching for Rosalina. Rosalina shrieked and magically backed up all the way to the doorway, leaving Luigi's hand to fumble through the air and land right on Mario's crotch. Mario screamed at the top of his lungs.

"ARGHH! MY MEATBALLS!" He took Luigi and threw him off the bed. "Luigi, you fucker! I'll kill you! I'll break your neck! I'll shoot a star bit through your empty fucking skull!" Luigi ran around the room laughing out loud.

"Oh my!" said Rosalina with a hand over her mouth. She decided the best thing to do would be to leave.

"Come get me, Mario!" said Luigi between laughs, "Nothing like a good game of tag!"

"Get back here, you…" Mario continued to chase Luigi in a big circle around the room. Then he got an idea; he stopped. Luigi, on the other hand, continued running. He ran a lap around the room, and then he collided with Mario. The brothers went flying through another warp star, which launched them to yet another galaxy!

The first thing Mario noticed about this galaxy was its extremely gusty winds. He looked around for Luigi.

"Don't think I'm not done here! Where are you?" Mario looked up and saw Luigi with a huge flower. He had caught the petals in the breeze to fly away!

"Goodbye, Mario! Goodbyeee!" Luigi said with a sly smirk as he waved to his brother.

"Oh no you don't!" Mario ran to the flower patch and picked himself a pale pink flower as well. He followed the breeze to the same place Luigi was going, spinning in hopes to propel himself further.

Mario touched down on a gigantic apple. Mario was too hell bent on catching Luigi to wonder what a giant apple was doing floating in a Gusty Garden in space. He looked around and saw Luigi sitting down and relaxing on a wooden peg.

"Why there you are, Mario!"

"I'll smash you!" Mario jumped up, attempting to land on Luigi, but his effort was futile; Luigi evaded and kept running. The force of Mario's jump was enough to smash the peg down. A loud noise was heard as a giant startled worm emerged and fled the red apple for a neighboring green one, creating a bridge between the two. Before a second passed, Luigi raced across the worm, laughing all the way. Mario let out a frustrated grunt and followed.

Jumping onto the next planet, Mario saw nothing but dirt.

"Where did he go…" Mario pondered. "_WHERE DID YOU GO!?_" As if in answer to Mario's question, Luigi popped his head out of the dirt and said "Bazinga!" Mario pounded his fist down, but Luigi submerged himself. He popped out again, and again. "Bazinga! Bazinga!" Mario narrowly missed. The dirt began to rupture, and Mario prepared to bring his fist down. This time, however, it was not Luigi that popped out, but rather a huge blue spiny shell. But it was too late; Mario's brain had already given him the command to smash it, and so Mario's hand got stabbed by one of the vicious spikes. But Mario was too mad to feel pain. When the giant pink mole that the shell was connected to emerged, Mario took it out in one foul swoop.

The chase finally ended on the last side of the planet. Mario saw Luigi stopped at two chests. In between the chests was a single golden shell. Mario noticed Big Pop Daddy King Toad's ship right behind the two chests, but the Toads were nowhere to be found!

"Big Pop Daddy King Toad?" Mario called.

"In the chest." Came the mushroom man's voice. "Mario, I'm gonna give you a choice here. Chest number one, or chest number two… chest number one, or chest number_ TWO!_"

Mario grabbed the shell and slammed it into the chest to his right—the one he heard Big Pop Daddy King Toad's voice coming out of. The shell broke the lock and Big Pop Daddy King Toad emerged from the wooden chamber.

"Man, thank goodness you came. I went in that box to get a star, but somehow it closed on me and locked me in!"

"It's okay, I guess," said Mario, "So where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"Where's the star?" Mario was a bit irritated.

"Oh the star? It's in the other chest."

"What?! Then why did you put so much emphasis on CHEST NUMBER TWO!?"

"Cause I didn't wanna stay locked in that thang!"

Mario was now even more furious. He grabbed Luigi and held him over his head. "Tag…" he said. He then slammed his brother's head down onto the other chest, shattering the lock and causing it to burst open. All the other Toads went flying out of the box, along with the precious power star. "… you're it." He turned to Big Pop Daddy King Toad. "Get the Toads out of here. They won't want to see this."

"You got it, man." Said Big Pop Daddy King Toad as he loaded up the brigade and flew off. When Mario was angry, even Big Pop Daddy Toad knew to fear him.

Mario turned to Luigi, who was completely unharmed from being used as a battering ram. Mario grabbed the power star.

"Hey Luigi," Mario said, "Let's see how fast we can get back to the observatory."

"Okay, how?"

"Like THIS!" Mario flew with the power star, hitting Luigi square in the crotch. Luigi's mouth opened from the shock. Mario knew the drill. Luigi's special button was activated and a massive blue blast came out of his mouth, giving them even more of a boost on the way back the Rosalina's observatory. They reached it in one infinitieth of the time it would have taken normally. Instead of writhing in pain like any normal person would do after such an experience, Luigi got straight up and yelled "That was fun!" before skipping off to wreak havoc on the observatory.

"Good job, Mario," said Rosalina, who was waiting for him, "You've done so well. It looks like our ship is completely powered."

"Well that's good news!" said Mario, "Does that mean we can go get Peach back now?"

"Yes, but…"

"But what?"

"But Mario…"

"Yes?"

"After you get her back…"

"…After I get her back what?"

"…after you get her back, does that mean we won't see each other anymore?"

"No, of course not! I want to see you a lot, why wouldn't we see each other?"

"I thought maybe since you'll have her, you won't need me anymore."'

"Not NEED you? Rosalina, I need you more than anything. You're the only sane person in this world that I can rely on. After meeting you, do you really think I can just go back to dealing with _that_?" Mario pointed behind him to Luigi, who was doing a zero-gravity moonwalk a ways behind him.

"I see, you have a point. Okay, Mario. Your special one is being held in the center of the universe. Bowser is the only person who has been living there; he has the power to shape it however he sees fit. It will be dangerous. But I have faith in you, Mario. Are you ready to get your special one back?"

"My body is ready."

"Then here. We. Go." Rosalina swirled her wand around and the observatory transformed (really it just rotated two gears) into a massive rocket ship! The observatory along with everybody on board blasted off into deep space. After a few seconds of trippy hyperspace, the crew was in Bowser's domain.

"So this is the center of the universe, huh?" Mario looked around and saw Princess Peach's castle, which now had a sign that read "Bowser Galaxy Strip Club". Mario said "That's probably where Bowser's keeping the Princess."

"Then go Mario…" said Rosalina, "And good luck."

Mario Took a launch star and flew over to the castle. On the way he looked back and saw Luigi running, trying to follow him and Rosalina capturing him in a bubble. He gave a salute and then landed at the castle doors. The inside of the castle looked a lot different; instead of murals of blue skies on the walls and red carpet on the floor, there were no walls and no carpets, and instead there was a giant sun and an orb with Bowser standing on top of it. Mario jumped onto the orb to confront Bowser.

"Mario…" Bowser said cunningly.

"Bowser…" said Mario, "I see you've remodeled the castle."

"Yep, I had an interior decorator. They're easy to find when you take over the entire galaxy."

"Well I like it… but I don't like you."

"Neither do I."

"Then do us both a favor and kill yourself so I don't have to."

"You know that's not what I meant! I mean I don't like _you_ either!"

"So we're gonna do this the hard way then."

"I'm gonna do _you_ the hard way! Kill you I mean!"

Bowser jumped up in the air and prepared to body slam Mario, but Mario quickly dove out of the way. Bowser roared and let out his firey breath, but Mario was quick to dodge.

"Why don't you just give up the Princess now so you don't have to be humiliated like always?" Mario taunted.

"Never! I'm gonna kill you and then I'm gonna make your precious Princess send me nudes!"

"Nudes… that reminds me, I have to get her to send Toad those pictures." While Mario was distracted Bowser pummeled him, causing him to do a full revolution around the small orb-planet and crash right into Bowser's spiky shell. Bowser picked him up by the overall strap.

"Those nudes… are mine!" Bowser threw Mario to the ground. Mario staggered to his feet.

"Never…"

Bowser began shooting fireballs out of his mouth, but Mario managed to dodge them.

"Your aim is as bad as ever, Bowser." He said. But just then one of the fireballs that had managed to orbit the planet came back around and hit Mario right in the back. Mario collapsed again. Bowser laughed.

"Now I'm finally going to finish you off for real!" Bowser lept up in the air again. His body started plummeting toward Mario's. Mario suddenly heard Rosalina's voice. "Come on, Mario, you can do it… don't give up Mario!" she said. Bowser's spikes were inches away from Mario. Suddenly, Mario rolled away and sprang to his feet. Bowser's impact broke a hole through the glass and splashed him with molten stardust. Mario used this opportunity to use his spin attack, smashing his fist into Bowser's face and sending him airborne.

Mario jumped up and grabbed a bob-omb which was conveniently floating nearby. He twirled around and shoved it full force right up Bowser's ass.

"Argggh! You son of a bitch!" Bowser yelled in pain. He spazzed around for a few seconds before the bomb went off, reducing Bowser's body to a bloody mess which spread out through space and time. The impact of the explosion ruptured the big sun, which turned into a black hole! The black hole began sucking up the space debris.

"Time to go!" Mario said, and approached the castle exit. "Wait! Where's the Princess!" As if in an answer to Mario's question. Princess Peach came floating right by Mario.

"Mariooooo!" she called as she got sucked into the black hole.

"Oh… woops" Mario said.

The black hole grew, and eventually everything around Mario started getting sucked up, leaving Mario to slowly drift towards his doom. Mario felt a movement on his head and suddenly the little Luma popped out.

"What are you doing, you little shit?" Mario asked. The Luma waved goodbye, and then shot into the black hole.

"Fuck youuuuuuuuuu!" it said as it whizzed away. Mario saw Rosalina's observatory further away, and he saw little beams of light; the other Lumas, all diving into the black hole. And suddenly the black hole was lit up. The light concentrated and then exploded out, encompassing everything. Mario found himself floating aimlessly through the blue light until he saw her; Rosalina.

"Hello, Mario." She said.

"Rosalina? What's happening?"

"You did it, Mario, you won. Now it's time for you to go home again."

"But what about you?"

"Believe it or not, I have a home too, Mario; a home I only visit once every century. It's time for me to go home too. It's time for us to part ways."

"Wait! Will I ever see you again?"

"Of course!" she chuckled, "You'll see me again, sooner than you think… goodbye Mario…"

Then Rosalina faded away, along with the blue light. Everything went black for Mario. When his eyes opened he saw blue skies above him and felt soft grass underneath him. He was right outside Princess Peach's castle. Oddly enough, he saw Bowser, alive again, unconscious several yards away, and Princess Peach just waking up. She gazed at him, but Mario wasn't quite sure how to feel. With Rosalina gone he felt an emptiness within himself. Then suddenly he felt something else too; something small, about four inches in length, and hard pressed up against his butt. He turned around and saw Luigi, grinning ear to ear.

"Tag, you're it!" he said, "We're playing dick tag!" Then he started running away. Mario threw his hands in the air and screamed up towards the sky

"Fuck you Luigiiiiiiiii!"

The End

And so the story is over, but there is one final chapter in the epic saga that is the true story of Mario; the one filled with the last bit of romance, of rivalry, of epicness, of comedy and divinity. Join us next time for the ultimate culmination of Mario's adventures. It all comes down to this; Super Mario Galaxy: The true story: Part II.


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